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Searching for Mr. Right

The Tale of all the Mr. Wrongs

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FRAMED PRINTS (7)

  • Frames are from Michaels. Black matte frame. Mulitple sizes.
  • Prints are from Society6. Range in colors, price & size.
  • Can purchase all 7 or as many or as few as you like!

WEST ELM INDUSTRIAL BOOKSHELVES

WEST ELM INDUSTRIAL MEDIA CONSOLE

OFFICESTAR TABLE AND CHAIRS SET

 

  • Table: Dimensions – 28″W x 28″D x 30.5″H
  • Chair Dimensions:

    Seat width: 13.25”W
    Seat depth: 14”D
    Seat height: 17”H
    Seat thickness: 0.5”
    Width: 17.5”W
    Height: 33.75”H
    Depth: 18”D

BASSETT FURNITURE L SHAPED COUCH (Worn)

  • $200 or best offer
  • comes with multiple pillows

COFFEE TABLE

CB2 WALL SHELF

 

 

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The Blinker

My most recent date has driven me to not only drink but also delete all known dating apps. I don’t know if I’ve reached my breaking point or if he helped me right over the edge. Regardless, we will thank Drew for giving me the permission I felt I needed to take a break from the crazy world of online dating. Drew was sweet enough – we were originally supposed to meet up in March and something went terribly wrong. I feared the worst of course – he was in a car accident, a family tragedy, his dog ran away, anything except for that he just didn’t want to go out on our date. As fate would have it, I rejoined Jdate in early July and Drew was still active! The stars were aligning – I saw this as a sign and reached out via Jdate messenger with a casual and cheerful “hey stranger, how’s it going?” Turns out, Drew remembered me and he thought it was my fault we didn’t meet up! How silly! Good news is we were able to come up with a time and place to finally meet each other. I was so excited all week – it had to be fate that we were both single and still on JDate! My prince was finally waiting for me. We texted back and forth – he made me laugh, he told me I was funny & entertaining and I just love compliments, especially on my texting skills which I would say are top-notch!

Finally date night rolled around! I had some extra time at work so I got a manicure, my hair blown out and pre-picked my outfit so that I could really wow this Mr. Right. I can’t leave you in suspense any longer — he was again, another Mr. Wrong. Everything about him gave me a weird (weird, as in bad,) vibe. From the way he combed his hair, to the way he tucked in his shirt to the missing tooth on the left side of his mouth. His gums were just staring at me every time he gave me a polite little chuckle for the awkward little jokes I kept trying to make. On top of the weird vibe, he had this way of using his eyes far too much in conversation. When he would laugh, he would shut his eyes. When he would tell a story he would blink and look up. When he would listen to my ramblings, he would roll his eyes and then close them tightly and blink as if he was taking in every word I uttered. At one point, he touched my leg to explain how uncomfortable he gets when his couple-friends show their affection around him while he’s 3rd wheeling. One brush of his clammy hand was all I needed to have the courage to chug my glass of wine and let out a loud, exaggerated yawn expressing how tired I am and how I really should be getting home. I looked at the clock and to my despair, only an hour had passed and I could tell Drew wasn’t buying what I was selling but I couldn’t take a minute more of his blinking and toothless grin (ok, it was only one tooth but still).

The Deaf Guy

So this is one of my favorite stories but I almost completely blocked it out of my memory until last night and I’m so glad I remembered because it’s too good not to share. Eric and I met on some type of swipping app about a year ago. This is an exciting one because there were 2 dates. As you read on, you will see I am a glutton for punishment because the first date should’ve really ended after our first very impolite introduction.

It was a hot day and I was feeling adorable in a not-so-sliming but super comfortable maxi dress with my bare arms jiggling freely. Eric chose to meet at a bar that actually had gone out of business so I was doing my best to look as cute and as sweat-free as possible as I waited for my date to arrive. As always, I arrived about 15 minutes on time and pacing back and forth did not help the cuteness or sweat-free efforts.

Eric came up to me and greeted me with an awkward hug and an uncomfortable stare. I said – not what you expected? because why would i want to make the uncomfortable situation any better. He said and I quote “honestly, you’re a little bigger than I expected.” Now, I should’ve slapped the guy and walked away but instead I said…hm you’re a little smaller than I expected and we walked into the first open bar we could find. Already pissed off and knowing this man was not for me, I chugged white wines as fast as the waitress could keep refilling the glass. By the 3rd glass, I found out a few things about Eric – he was deaf in his right ear (why did he chose to sit on that side of me?) and he really was not a good conversationalist. But I do not give up on challenges lightly and I was destined to turn this deaf, socially awkward date into a night we would never forget. I do not go back on my word…but, honestly don’t remember how the night ended, except I did get a text from him the next day saying he had a great time and would love to see me again.

Date 2 with the Deaf Guy:

So much like Date 1, the coming about of Date 2 is kind of fuzzy but I remember the atmosphere and the circumstances, and the awkward conversations just like it was yesterday. I happened to be out with one of my friends where were eating and drinking merrily before Eric graced us with this presence. He arrived dressed up from a busy day at the office in what I consider to look like cartoon character garb. He was decked out in a gray suit, a bright colored shirt and an equally brightly colored tie. I tried to be my flirtatious, funny self and untie his tie and tell him to loosen up and relax but friends, Eric wasn’t the relaxing type.  That is until he had a few drinks in him and the bar began to empty out – then Eric was all ears and hands. I remember some music was playing that made me want to dance and I sort of felt like I was in a rom-com or a scene from Dirty Dancing. Either way, I was feeling like Ok Marg – good job on giving Eric the partially deaf guy a second chance. But all of that excitement, joy and self-praise quickly died down when Eric started shouting at me for some unknown reason. He told me I was rowdy, and crazy and I talk too much. I couldn’t believe my eyes or my ears (because I could obviously hear every word he was shouting). The other patrons at the bar turned around to watch Eric storm out of the bar, out of the tab and out of my life forever.

The Tinder-er

Back when I first started dating, after my ex and I decided we were done for real, I downloaded Tinder. New to the dating scene and excited for the potential of meeting my next suitor on this illustrious new app, I swiped right for Nick –5’9, finance dude with dark brown hair and eyes to match. Nick had one picture which I now have learned is a big fat red flag. Nick and I decided to meet at a bar on a Friday night where I would actually be out with a few friends. I figured, tinder required back-up. It wasn’t like the safe haven of Jdate where everyone was a friend of a friend. Anyway, back to non-Jew Nick…Nick texted me when he got to the bar and I looked feverously around the bar to find the guy who claimed to be standing in front of me. However, the guy in front of me had a face full of pimples, dark black glasses and reddish hair. This was not the Nick of my Tinder dreams! I didn’t want to be rude as I understand online dating is a bit of an ego killer for some so I told him to follow me up the stairs to my friends. Nick was feeling a little feisty that night himself, and as we walked up the first stairs, I felt a hand tightly grab a chunk of my ass. At that point, I turned around to Nick and suggest we end the date there. No one grabs my ass on a first date – unless you’re the guy that Nick used for his pictures. Then you can call me and grab away 😉

The Rebounder

Bumble is an app that I’m very new to but I was hopeful to meet a good catch here since 9 out of the 10 guys you find have good jobs, went to top schools and are smokin’ hot. I matched with Mike – yay! And decided that since only girls can message guys what do I have to lose. I started what I was hoping to be a casual conversation with Mike that would eventually one day lead to a nice night out, 2nd and 3rd dates, an engagement and a wedding. He definitely pulled the reigns on that when he instead responded to my “hey – any fun weekend plans?” with a confident “hey – just to be honest, I think you’re hot and I’m just looking for a hookup. Free tonight?” No, Mike, for you, I’m never free.

Side note, thanks for the honesty.

The Comedian

Seth and I started up a casual conversation on JSwipe – he was 5 years my senior and I was a little hesitant, as I typically don’t date older guys. Why not? Well, let’s just say maturity level doesn’t always match ones age. Anyway, Seth and I spoke for about an hour on the phone, trading dating horror stories, laughs and some things in common so I figured why not grab a drink on a Monday for this guy. He could be THE ONE! Well, he’s not as you can infer from the whole I’m writing a blog about my depressing dating life. But with that being said, let me tell you about the night of Seth. He arrived 20 minutes late – I hate being late. He didn’t like the seat I chose, so we moved twice. He couldn’t sit still. He was about 20 pounds over weight oh and he didn’t seem to remember a single thing we spoke about on the phone. He did however, pay close attention to his phone and read me his to do list – top thing to do: buy new underwear from Old Navy. Next up was the discussion on age. I mentioned I was 29, he called me a baby, said I was jaded and asked what exactly we were doing here. My thoughts exactly. I think you should be a little bit more open minded, Seth.

The Sissy

Experiment: After a recent break-up, I took the plunge and signed up to swipe for love on JSwipe – the jewish tinder. Ryan had me at hello – he was a short brunette Jew with a love of sushi and wine. He had a job, an apartment in NYC so I checked all the boxes off. We set up our date to meet on a Tuesday evening – I should’ve seen the warning signs when we tried to schedule our date because he first wanted to meet at 6pm, who does that? And when I suggested 7, he said 7:15pm. This boy is clearly confused. But I went along for the ride and I’m so glad I did because this one is a real knee slapper. Ryan didn’t have much to say and was much much skinnier than I imagined. Picture like a thin 14 year old boy. The whole night he played with his hair and seemed extremely uncomfortable. I figured we’ll I gave it my best shot – I’m putting myself out there and the 2 beers we casually sipped won’t kill me. Well, I got home and received a text from Ryan saying he had a great time and he’s glad we got to meet. Now I was confused. The following day he asked if I wanted to hang out again and though my gut said let it go, my fingers texted back “sure why not…” We never made plans to hang out again but I did receive a text from him asking me if I have ever been with a black guy. I said no…and that that was random and awkward. The awkwardness did not end there. Here is an excerpt from our text chat:

  • Ryan: what type of guys do you usually date?
  • Margo: the wrong ones. what type of girls do you like to date?
  • Ryan: I’m much more interested in hearing about the guys, tbh.
  • Margo: As in, you would like to date dudes?
  • Ryan: Kind of. Yes, why are you surprised?
  • Ryan: I also like to dress up in women’s clothing sometimes.
  • Margo: Is this a joke?
  • Ryan: No, am I weirding you out?
  • Margo: yes…can I ask why you chose to tell me and why you are on dating site for girls?
  • Ryan: Can you guess what type of guys I go for?
  • Margo: I really don’t want to have this convo with you.
  • Ryan: You seemed understanding; want to be friends or am I too weird for you.

Result: Let me think about this one for a minute…You’re too weird Ryan, you are too weird.

The Liar

Experiment: Mark and I met on OkCupid and after some minor flirting back and forth we finally set a date to meet. I chose a wine bar in Murray Hill because frankly I don’t like travel far for first dates. Or for anything but that’s another story for another day. Mark walked into the bar right in front of me and I secretly prayed that he was not my date. Why? Oh because first of all his pants were about 2x tighter than mine, he had a ring on every other finger (both hands) and he looked about 5 years younger than his pictures. Well turns out, my first judgment of people is spot on because Mark admitted two things on the date – 1. He lied about his age and he was actually 24, not the 28 he had lied about in his profile. In his defense, he told me that in his About Me section he had said he lied about something in the above. I guess I didn’t notice that as a red flag. Oh and the real deal breaker 2) he thinks he might be gay.

Result: Mark texted me the next day saying he thought the date went well and did I agree. I said I did not agree because he should explore dating men if he thinks he might be gay and not involve me in the process. He would not accept this as an answer and told me I was shallow because I cleary was just upset that he lied about his age. Go figure…

What to Expect When You’re Online Dating

So here goes nothing – I’ve talked about writing a book or a blog since I started online dating back in 2007 where I was actually quite successful in landing my “dream” guy – on paper – after just one single 4 hour date.

4 years later and that “dream guy on paper” sailed right out of my life and the world wide web lay right before my finger tips.

From the many different versions of JDate, OkCupid, Match and the traditional channels of online dating to the modern day applications that allow a user to merely swipe for love…This got me thinking; what if I swipe past my husband.

People say it’s a numbers game, but let me tell you – something just is adding up. In about 2 ½ years of my singlehood, I’ve been on over 100 first dates and I think I’m running of out short, jewish brunette men in NYC.

Tips for beginners:
-Sundays are a landmine of messages from men. After a long weekend of not getting any, they are eager to set up their week of date

-You will likely know 80% of the people you swipe through and no you do not have to swipe right just because they are your best friends boyfriends sisters brother. It doesn’t mean its meant to be; I promise.

-Stalk. Stalk. Stalk. I’m serious, ladies (and gents). You can find anyone/anything on the internet these days. Try his name, school, place of business, phone number. You can never find enough pictures of your blind date…

So being the wonderful person I am, I will keep these guys names anonymous. Wouldn’t want to ruin their chances of influencing the lives of other single victims in this great city of ours.

Happy reading!

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